Week Eleven, Fall 2024

This week has been rough. Anticipation and anxiety leading up to, shock, grief and depression following. I shouldn't have been surprised but I was. I had hope, which feels silly but still justified? I am truly devastated and scared. The reality of what Project 2025 could be has punched me in the gut and I’ve been nauseous since. In one day, everyone I love began scrambling to find ways to protect themselves. I have already started to research and reached out to “safe” OBGYN’s to hopefully get my tubes tied asap. 

The rage, and deep sadness comes in waves. One second I’m pretending all is okay to serve the public at my job, when it hits me and I’m crying as some guest asks me where the Kusama room is. I’m so fucking angry at everyone. Honestly it’s hard to be around men, even the ones who I know care and fight for equal rights. When male/male presenting friends of mine that have seen me with my face dropped, bags under my eyes, all red and puffy, I’m met with a sympathetic response but always an air of “why aren't you over this yet?” or “it's not going to be that bad.” 

I truly believe that most of them are good people who want equal rights but god damn, I need people to be fucking upset. 

God, the SA survivors, I don’t think I’ve met many people with ovaries, who haven't been abused or had boundaries crossed by a man. And to watch that man be put back into a position of power, a position that is a hell of a lot scarier this time… 

In preparation for our space lab show I have been scrambling to finish things and work with Sarah to pull the rest of the space together. Might as well put the time I can't sleep into something useful? The concept for this work with Sarah was always going to have an emotional weight to it, and with the recent events bringing a lot of personal traumas back to the surface, I’m anticipating a tear or two to be shed during crit. 

In other news, I installed old work in a friend's house for a house party/exhibition and I’ve set up a visit at SIUC for the 19th. Crazy week to be thinking about the future.