Week 5, Spring 2025

Finished all the grad apps. I will be applying to this year, it's a huge relief to at least only be in the waiting period. I believe that each one got better but I wish they were stronger. I really hate not knowing what my next month will look like. I learned a hard lesson with Iowa, and a reality check from Lalana, that I need to “lock in” and make sure I prioritize the right things. It boils down to the fact that I'm scared shitless. How is any rational adult handling the world right now? Let alone thinking about taking a huge risk into a MFA when the government is attacking higher education? I try not to think about how everything could go wrong but I’ve been forced to think of plans B-Z for next year. 

How do yall in academia do this shit forever? Like never really knowing if you will be offered a contract for the next year, so might as well make sure you apply to all the open positions just in case. 

I don't know if that's what I want for myself. 

In other news: we tore down the soda kiln and I’m learning lots. Mostly that moving that much brink in a short amount of time makes your back sore. And I started a new sculpture that I'm very excited about.